My Early Testimony

My earliest memory of God is from going to Vacation Bible School in my early childhood. This particular year they used “Chadder Chipmunk” and boy that little chipmunk freaked me out, but no more than going home after each day did. See, I didn’t enjoy VBS because I loved learning about God, but I loved VBS because it was the one week during the summer I could get away from my physically abusive father, JF. 

I always believed in God, and never blamed Him for the abuse in my life, I just thought He was indifferent to what was happening to me because He had more important people to attend to. I now know that I am so important to Him and He absolutely cared about what was happening, He had His arms open wide waiting for me to turn to Him so He could embrace me and save me from my suffering. 

Unfortunately for me my troubles did not end at the hands of my father. My older brother JC started to touch me inappropriately when I was about 5 years old and continued to sexually abuse me until I was 11. When I was 9 my mother, not knowing about any of the abuse, decided to move my brother JM and me away from my father in Michigan all the way to Wisconsin where my brother JC was living with his dad. This move is also when I found out I was conceived in rape and JF was not my actual father. My mother went on to emotionally neglect me and I became the main home keeper responsible for cleaning and cooking for JM and myself despite him being four years older. 

Fast forward to when I was 11 and finally told someone about the abuse I was enduring from JC. My world felt like it was turned upside down, inside out, and backwards all at once. I confessed everything to my best friend while in our classroom after we just had a guest teacher talk to us about sexual harrasment and abuse. She demanded I tell our teacher what my brother was doing, or she would because my safety was more important to her than our friendship. After I told my teacher everything went hyper speed, but I felt frozen in time. I had to talk to social workers and a lawyer, having to repeat this traumatic experience over and over again, I was exhausted. So, when my mother told me to ask that JC not get any punishment except for mandatory counseling, I did. 

I was convinced that what he did to me wasn’t important, so I continued to believe I wasn’t important. 

That was until my mom got with my stepdad, EB. We quickly moved back to Michigan as soon as court was over so she could be with him and he introduced us to the church that introduced me to the real God. Mount Hope Church of Williamston Michigan is how I learned who God is and was saved from my depression and suicidal thoughts from my trauma.  

God spoke to my innermost being healing the broken parts of my heart that I didn’t think would ever be whole again. He showed me that my past was not my fault, and that it did not have to define my future. God also quickly showed me how my testimony could be used for His glory, how I could share my story to give other people the hope He has given me. 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

Now, I cannot sit here and tell you that I am completely past my trauma, unaffected from the abuse and neglect, because that would be a lie. What I can tell you is that when I am struggling with my past, I now know to turn to God and He is fast to embrace me and comfort me, helping me through the hurt. I hope you too turn to God to feel His embrace through the hurt.